Recognize Your Conditioning

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When you first look at this photo, what do you see? [my instagram story was a spoiler alert, so pretending like it's the first time seeing this photo.]

You might say it's the sun rising or the sun setting?

*Now bring your hands together and interlace your fingers, palms facing each other. Notice how that feels.

Probably feels pretty normal.

Release the arms back down. Bring the palms together again, interlace the fingers and switch the pinkies, so opposite pinky is on outside. How does that feel?

Maybe it feels kinda strange. Not horribly uncomfortable, but different. There's nothing wrong with interlacing the other way, but it's just not natural.

What if I told you that photo is of the moon rising? Huh?! The moon?!? Ok, ya, maybe you can see it now... or maybe you knew all along ;) Looked more like a sun at first glance or initial perception.

Now I ask, when you first interlaced your fingers, did you take some time to think "ok, I am going to put this finger here and this pinky on the outside" and this that and the other and then do it? Probably not, you just did it... the way you always do it. The way that feels normal or comfortable. And can you do it the other way? Absolutely. There's nothing wrong with interlacing the fingers with the other pinky on the outside, it just simply feels different. If you did it enough times, it could start to feel just like the other way? Potentially.

And what about the photo? You might have had an initial or quick look that said the sun. Then maybe you examined it a little more and added "oh ya, it's the sunrise" or "it's a sunset" or maybe with examination you realized it was the moon. And again, maybe you've seen some epic moonrises and new right off the bat that this was the moon. Regardless, what I am getting at is that your perception of the photo was real to you. If you thought it was the sun, it may have been a misperception, however your perception was still very true to you. And more importantly with this topic, the initial perception came to you without considerable thought, it just came to you & then you either proceeded to believe or support that perception or maybe you questioned it or were curious.

So where does this all come from? This is conditioning. And it lives in our unconscious. And it creates the patterns and habits that we live out.

I am obviously still on a breaking the pattern kick for my email updates. The repetition of concepts with different approaches allows for something to resonate that maybe didn't before or for you to gain a deeper understanding. And lets be honest, who reads every part of every email ;) I want to dive deeper into last month's section about Recognize Your Conditioning [you can read that section or the whole post here.]

As you can see, not all conditioning is bad. Most of it is quite beneficial. Imagine if you had to put extensive thought into how you were going to interlace your fingers, take a sip of water, distinguish between a rope and a snake. [Side acknowledgment to the resilience of people who have experienced brain injury and freaking incredible power of neuroplasticity.] You would probably have very little energy or brain power for anything else.

The caveat is that both beneficial and hindering conditioning live in our unconscious. The key word is unconscious, and I will argue unconscious until made conscious ;) through awareness. We don't even realize it [conditioning] is there but we live as if it's the only way and, often times, it wasn't our initial choice. This means both [beneficial and hindering] are creating neuromuscular patterns to further ingrain the thoughts and beliefs that affect the way we perceive ourselves, others, and the world around us, and ultimately, the way we interact with it all. Simply put, how we act in the world.

When I was learning to write in school, I held my pencil differently. At the time, I was holding the pencil how it felt comfortable, but it was wrong according to the teacher or in general terms, the authorities. Luckily, I was a bit devious and every time the teacher came around, I switched the way I held my pencil to appease them, and then I switched back. Was I still able to write? Did my writing turn out ok? Yes. So what was wrong with holding my pencil different? To this day, I hold my pencil "funny" but it's only funny because it's not how everyone holds their pencil!

Let's take it further. I recently talked to an adult who said he didn't like reading until recently. He said I was bad at reading in school, so I hated all reading. Was he bad at reading? Or just slower at reading than others? Or maybe he was bad at relaying what he read? Or perhaps he was just quiet and didn't want to talk about what he read? I actually don't know, didn't ask. Granted I don't even know if he was told that or gathered it by what he perceived in school, but something made him believe he was bad at it and molded a good part of 30+ years.

And further. When children of indigenous tribes were forced into boarding school, they were told they were dumb because instead of instantly responding, they took a moment to think and in that moment, they were cut off and never given the chance to respond. Culturally, they learned differently and perhaps also just acted differently but were then labeled dumb. Labeled and then potentially believed it to be so. As shared by a tribe in the Andes when called poor, they said it lowered their self esteem, that they believe themselves to be poor and then needed to send their children to cities for the "better" way of life.

And even further. In the BodyMind, Ken talks about a client who shared story after story revealing "she had been wanting to cry and to be appreciated all her life, and had assumed her particular bodymind [physical & mental] attitude in response to her belief that she was not worthy...her continual need to hide within herself had contributed to her myopia and to the newly developing cataracts....her remembered moments of panic had gotten built into her everyday structure, for her chest muscles were, in fact, contracted, and she suffered quite regularly from chest centered ailments." They started from the most recent experience and was able to date back to the initial experience at age 4, when her new baby brother was born. Her mom was cradling and loving on the baby and she felt as though she was no longer loved. The mom did nothing wrong, she was not abusive, however that four year old child's perception was very real and became the way she moved through the world for an additional 60+ years.

And a twist. A while back I wrote about how anger gets a bad rap. The actual emotion of anger is not harmful, the harm comes from how it is expressed or not expressed. An example of a woman who grew up with parents who never fought, while things didn't always seem groovy or agreeable they were always loving towards her and her siblings. It was important to keep face and not get upset. The age old phrase "suck it up" became her way of being. Throughout her young adulthood, she would internally experience turmoil, sadness, anger. She had situations when she just wanted to lash out or throw something at a wall, so this conditioning of not expressing in that moment was incredibly beneficial, nobody got hurt, the police weren't called, and the anger subsided. The intensity of that angry feeling may have subsided but the anger has to go somewhere. And every time it is resisted or not expressed it continues to build up and potentially turn into illness. When you suck it up all the time, it wouldn't be surprising to have major gut issues, or not be able to sleep when you have unresolved experiences circulating. By never expressing what might be causing the anger, she had no way to find a solution or other options, which continued to reaffirm the lens she lived through: she was all on her own. Although beneficial in the moment, ongoing repression, which was learned unknowingly from loving parents, if left undiscovered could continue to wreak havoc on her health physically and mentally.

Take a moment to think of a recent experience where you held yourself back. This could be that you held yourself back from saying something, applying for a job, trying something new, going on a vacation. You choose how big or small. When you were making the choice, whether it was drawn out or an instant decision, what did you say to yourself as to why not? And maybe ask who is that who said it? Which version of you?

Do not shame or blame. I am not saying you are a bad parent, friend, mentor, lover... nor am I giving you the space to blame any of those people for your belief systems or neuromuscular patterns. These are all stories representing the impact of conditioning and where it unknowingly came from. How an outside label or internal labeling can affect the way someone moves through their entire life. How different isn't wrong. How perception is only yours, so consider it that and not a universal truth. Thoughts affect our body and our body's experiences affect our thoughts; each has the power to reaffirm a certain way of being. How hindering habits can also be beneficial. The only real hindering habit is the one that owns you without awareness.

And finally, why do we uncover this? Bring awareness to this?

First, it is just to realize. Simply that, see that it's there. It's not to figure out WHY you are the way you are, don't give your power up to the past. Just notice.

Second, it is to realize there is nothing wrong with you. You may have taken a specific way of being, conditioning, or unconscious belief system as a means for protection, survival or simply because you were told this is the way it is or this is who you are. And when you are aware you can choose whether you want to continue that narrative or not.

Lastly, it is to realize THAT is not who you truly are. And perhaps, others are more than what you see or believe. And maybe even, the world is different than what you once thought.

Being a heavier topic today, it's easy to get sucked into a blackhole of serious introspection and personal analysis... the yogis also find it important not take oneself so seriously. Please remember to take a break, laugh, dance, watch a puppy video.

If you want to explore more around turning limiting beliefs into limitless beliefs, check out my pre-recordeed Yoga Nidra Workshop: Releasing Limiting Beliefs with a new option to add on five 30 minute 1:1 sessions. The beauty of Yoga Nidrā is you don't actually have to know what caused the conditioning, you just get to be freed of it.

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*Exercise was taken from BodyMind, Ken Dychtwald